We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
