i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
