Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
