you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
i think i just lost a toe
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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