Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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