she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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