therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
