I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
