his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
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Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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