Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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