In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
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maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
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The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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