Umm I'm too high to move.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
