while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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