Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
