I will die if light touches me.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
