at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
