Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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