I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
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Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
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That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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