He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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