I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
