There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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