Non-Jews are for practice
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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