So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
