I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
