btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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