I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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