My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
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There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
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had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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