I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
