Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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