I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
