I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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