it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
