My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
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