That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
