I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
