wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
