I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
