Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
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Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
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Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize