So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
