The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
he puts the penis in happiness.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
