mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I think I am morally bankrupt
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
