I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
