at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
if i can run in heels then i can drive
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
