Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
