you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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