I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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