Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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