I will die if light touches me.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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