You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
