oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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