You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
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he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
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I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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