I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
