i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
