ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize