That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
