A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
