I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
