My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
