Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
