its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
