The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
