I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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