Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
