He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
