six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
