Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
