Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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