I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
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