The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize