She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
