Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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