I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
