I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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