I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Randomize
