Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
