if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
