Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
