The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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