Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
