what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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