isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize