I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
