You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
