I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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