he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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