If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Randomize
