hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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